


Survival of the Fittest

by aquariumsdelight



Series: Davekat Week 2017, or The Week That Was Longer Than Seven Days [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Enemies to Lovers, Humanstuck, M/M, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-21
Updated: 2017-08-21
Packaged: 2018-12-18 02:16:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11864544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aquariumsdelight/pseuds/aquariumsdelight
Summary: How the hell did Dave Strider get the only other 100% in your AP Biology class? Out of all of the people in this class, no, in the world, he's your rival?





	Survival of the Fittest

CG: THIS IS KARKAT FROM AP BIO. ROSE GAVE ME YOUR HANDLE SO I COULD ASK WHAT YOU GOT ON YOUR PROJECT. MOST PEOPLE GOT FUCKED OVER, AND IF WE HAVE ENOUGH STUDENTS, WE CAN GO TO THE PRINCIPAL. AND IT SURE DOESN’T HELP THAT SHE FUCKING BRAGGED ABOUT HOW ONLY TWO STUDENTS GOT 100S ON THEIRS.

CG: IT'S THE BEGINNING OF THE SCHOOL YEAR, SO WE STILL HAVE A PRETTY GOOD CHANCE OF GETTING HER OUT BEFORE SHE DOES TOO MUCH DAMAGE.

CG: ANYWAYS, JUST RESPOND WITH YOUR GRADE IF YOU’RE INTERESTED, BUT YOU DON’T HAVE TO.

TG: oh dude

TG: i was one of the 100s

CG: YOU?

CG: ARE YOU ACTUALLY FUCKING KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?

TG: nope 100% serious

TG: did you see what i did there

CG: YOU DON’T EVEN PAY ATTENTION! YOU SIT IN THE BACK OF THE CLASS AND MIX BEATS ON YOUR PHONE! THE ONLY TIME I’VE EVER HEARD YOU ASK A QUESTION WAS TO GET HER OPINION ON WHETHER SHE WAS A TUPAC OR BIGGIE SMALLS FAN.

TG: granted, that was a very important question

TG: her choice to ignore it told me everything i needed to know about who she was

TG: but yeah so i got a 100 on her dumb flowers project

TG: why are you so pissed about it

CG: BECAUSE YOU DON’T DO ANYTHING!

CG: MEANWHILE TEREZI IS WORKING HER ASS OFF AND SHE CAN JUST BARELY KEEP ABOVE WATER. AND THAT’S NOT EVEN COUNTING THE FACT THAT HALF OF THE CLASS HAD TO SWITCH TO HONORS BIO, WHERE AT LEAST THE TEACHER HAS A MODERATE AMOUNT OF SENSE AND TEACHES LIKE SHE WAS ACTUALLY TRAINED TO DO SO.

CG: AND THEN THERE’S YOU, WHO SITS THERE LIKE A CONSTIPATED TURTLE WITH SHADES WHO DOESN’T GIVE HALF A SHIT AND PASSES!

TG: well fuck you too then

TG: just because i don’t pay laser focus to the literal droning of that woman’s brain dead lectures doesn’t mean i don’t care

TG: and who the fuck are you to assume that i don’t do any work

TG: I get more shit done in that class than the trump administration, and that’s why i got a 100 and you’re going to beg the principal to make it easier on you

CG: OH NO YOU DON’T.

CG: I GOT THE OTHER 100 ON THAT PROJECT.

CG: YOU KNOW, BEFORE THIS CONVERSATION, I WAS READY TO STORM DOWN THE DOORS OF MR. DAVIES’ OFFICE AND DEMAND THAT HE REMOVE THAT PURE FORM OF UNDILUTED IDIOCY FROM TEACHING OUR CLASS, BUT NOW?

CG: LET’S SEE HOW MUCH YOU KNOW ABOUT HER AFTER ALL.

CG: LET’S SEE WHO GETS THE BEST GRADE BY THE END OF THE YEAR, ASSHAT.

TG: i’m game

TG: only if you promise to take a selfie right after i show you my final grade

CG: DEAL!

CG: LOOK FORWARD TO THE FACE OF RIGHTEOUS, SELF-SATISFIED VICTORY WITH A SIDE OF PURE MALICE.

TG: only if i believed that’d actually happen at any point ever in paradox space

TG: before you go laugh maniacally like a cartoon villain who doesn’t know he’s already been beaten

CG: FUCK YOU.

TG: important question

TG: tupac or biggie smalls

 

\- - -

 

CG: SO.

TG: so

CG: WHAT DID YOU GET ON THAT LAST TEST?

TG: oh that

TG: well he said that while my artwork was “definitely unique” and has a “one-of-a-kind viewpoint”, it’s not really defined as a classical art and he’d have to take some points off

CG: OH FUCK YOU, YOU KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT.

CG: AP BIO, CHAPTER SIX.

TG: 97

CG: ...OH.

TG: are you telling me that the great karkat vantas, lord of shrieking bats and master of all ornery blatherings, got lower

CG: SHUT YOUR TRAP, LOCK IT WITH A KEY, AND THROW IT SOMEWHERE DANK AND HUMID.

TG: karkat

TG: kitkat

TG: karkitty

CG: HOW ORIGINAL. I THINK THE LAST TIME I HEARD THAT, IT WAS IN KINDERGARTEN AND I WAS GETTING READY FOR NAPTIME.

CG: LIKE YOU WILL BE IF YOU KEEP CALLING ME THAT.

TG: what did you get

CG: 96.

TG: fuck yes

TG: that’s one more point ahead of you, final vantasy

CG: I’M WELL AWARE OF THE FACT, FUCKWIT.

CG: BUT DON’T GET TOO COMFORTABLE. WHILE YOU SCRAMBLED OUT OF THE CLASSROOM AT THE FIRST POSSIBLE CHANCE, I STAYED BEHIND, WHICH ALLOWED ME TO OVERHEAR HER TELLING THE DRAMA TEACHER THAT SHE’S GIVING OUR PERIOD A POP QUIZ TOMORROW.

CG: HOW. ABOUT. THAT?

TG: thanks for the heads up

TG: i mean, i thought we were supposed to be rivals here, but i’m not going to punch a gifthorse in the mouth

CG: FUCK!

 

\- - -

 

TG: ok

TG: i have to admit that was pretty good

CG: PRETTY GOOD? DAVE, THAT WAS A MASTERFUL PRANK. COMPARED TO WHAT YOU’VE DONE, THIS WAS NOT ONLY THE MONA LISA, BUT THE DAVID AND THE SISTINE CHAPEL ALL IN ONE ORGY OF ARTISTIC EXCELLENCE.

CG: I DON’T EVEN WANT TO IMAGINE WHAT WOULD’VE HAPPENED IF JOHN HAD SEEN IT. HIS PRANKSTER’S GAMBIT WOULD’VE GONE OFF THE ROOF.

TG: he did see it

TG: while i was walking to the bathroom, he was in the hallways taking his sweet ass time to get back to class

TG: damn hall monitor perks

TG: he wanted to thank you personally but i told him that you had this new version of mono that you can catch from the flying saliva of annoying assholes who don’t know what an “inside voice” is

TG: so in the process of your prank i managed to get john stuck in one too

TG: it’s prankception

CG: SPEAKING OF SAID PRANK, I DON’T THINK YOU TRULY UNDERSTOOD THE INTRICACIES OF WHAT WAS GOING ON HERE. ALLOW ME TO EXPLAIN.

CG: AND YOU CAN STICK YOUR HEAD ALL THE WAY UP YOUR ASS FOR THAT MONO JOKE

TG: oh god not again

CG: I GOT YOU AT A TIME WHEN YOU WERE UNAWARE. YOU HONESTLY SHOULD’VE BEEN SUSPICIOUS BY THE FACT I WAS ABSENT AT LUNCH, BUT HEY, THEN WE WOULDN’T HAVE THIS MAJESTY.

CG: YOU WERE ALSO FLANKED BY ROSE AND TEREZI, WHICH MADE YOU FEEL SAFE WHEN YOU WERE ANYTHING BUT.

CG: THE DOORWAY IS TOO SMALL FOR MORE THAN ONE PERSON AT A TIME, SO YOU HAD TO SPLIT UP. FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE WE BROKE FOR LUNCH, YOU WERE UTTERLY ALONE.

CG: ALL IT TOOK WAS A WILLING SUBJECT TO PUSH YOU FORWARD ENOUGH TO BE THE FIRST PERSON IN THE DOOR. LUCKILY, GAMZEE WAS MORE THAN WILLING TO SUBTLY FOLLOW YOU. WHO KNOWS IF YOU EVEN KNEW HE WAS THERE? BUT ALL SO SLIGHTLY, YOU WERE CREEPED YOUR WAY TO THE FRONT OF THE LINE.

CG: THE BUCKET WAS WAITING. THE PLAN WAS SET.

TG: cmon get on with it

CG: HEY. I DON’T RUSH YOU WHEN YOU’RE RAMBLING ON ABOUT THE NEW RAP YOU CREATED TO REMEMBER THE PERIODIC TABLE.

TG: that’s because my rhymes are so sick even you shut up

TG: so in that case, they’re world-saving

CG: GETTING BACK TO SOMETHING OF ACTUAL IMPORTANCE, LET’S TALK ABOUT THE MOMENT YOU WERE DOUSED IN RED TINTED WATER.

CG: YOU ALWAYS WEAR THAT GODDAMN WHITE SHIRT WITH THE RECORD ON WEDNESDAYS. NOW IT TURNED BACK AND BIT YOU IN THE ASS.

TG: yeah man white for wednesdays

TG: wait, you noticed that?

CG: UH.

TG: aw you pay attention to what i wear how sweet

CG: OH MY GOD, SHUT UP NOW

TG: you always wear these ugly grey jackets or sweatshirts that don’t fit you at all

TG: you look like a grumpy beanbag that came to life and grew sticks for legs

TG: what’s up with that

CG: YOU ALMOST MISSED THE POP QUIZ BECAUSE OF MY PRANK, WHICH WAS THE MAIN REASON I DID IT! THERE! ARE YOU FUCKING HAPPY NOW? YOU HAD A CHANCE TO LEARN FROM THE MASTER HERE, AND YOU BLEW IT BY TALKING ABOUT NOTHING AT ALL.

TG: yeah i think i’ll stick to hiding your bio notebook

TG: the faces you make are so goddamn funny

TG: i’d be doing a disservice to the students of our school to keep them from watching you stomp around and shake down suspects

CG: I KEEP SCREAMING, BUT GOD WON’T ANSWER.

TG: yeah that’s a good face

TG: easily one of my top 5

CG: I’VE HAD ENOUGH.

TG: see you tomorrow

 

\- - -

 

CG: WELL, HOW’D YOU DO?

TG: i dunno man

TG: i know he said no more ms paint submissions, but i don’t know, the platform calls to me

TG: like a siren song to my nondominant hand

CG: HOW DID YOU DO ON THE MINDGRATING AP BIO POP TEST THAT WAS ON ALL THE MATERIAL, BECAUSE THAT’S EXACTLY HOW COLLEGEBOARD WORKS.

CG: SERIOUSLY, IN WHAT WORLD DOES THAT MAKE EVEN AN OUNCE OF SENSE?

TG: a wild guess here, but you got a bad score on it didn’t you

CG: ANSWER ME. WHAT WORLD?

TG: probably one where collegeboard is an evil corporation with a lifesucking clench on the education industry

TG: or is that real life

CG: FUCKING YES. THAT’S THE KIND OF WORLD WE’RE LIVING IN. ONE WHERE EDUCATION IS A INDUSTRY INSTEAD OF A PUBLIC GOOD PROTECTED BY THE GOVERNMENT TO PRODUCE TRULY EDUCATED AND INFORMED CITIZENS.

CG: CAN YOU REMEMBER ANYTHING THEY TAUGHT US LAST YEAR?

TG: nope

CG: EXACTLY. BUT HEY, THE GOVERNMENT CAN BE CORRUPTED, SO LET’S PUT SOME OF OUR EDUCATION IN THE HANDS OF CORPORATIONS! I’M SURE THOSE PEOPLE ARE **TOTALLY** INCORRUPTIBLE AND TRUSTWORTHY!

CG: WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT! COLLEGEBOARD CAN SUCK MY SOFT, TENDER, AND OVERSIZED ASS.

TG: i wouldn’t say call it oversized

TG: it’s spherical, with a nice arch that slopes into your back

CG: WHAT.

TG: anyways don’t you want to know my grade or whatever like right now without talking about anything that we were talking about before

TG: cmon kar take the nice, conversation-saving bait

CG: FINE, BUT ONLY BECAUSE I REALLY WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU GOT.   
TG: ok just know that you probably beat me

TG: here i am waving my white underwear on a flimsy stick so you can hold off on ramming me with insults

CG: RAMMING YOU?

TG: i got an 79

CG: WELL, I TOTALLY BEAT YOU.

TG: told ya

CG: BUT NOT BY MUCH. I ONLY GOT AN 84.

TG: you know some people in our class would be screaming hallelujah if they got that score

TG: terezi’s at a fucking 14

TG: i didn’t even know you could get that low

TG: like once you hit 50 some emergency stop button was hit on your failing grade and red sirens went off all over the administration office

TG: “holy shit they’ve got a 50? imagine what this will do to our school rating”

CG: YEAH, I KNOW. PLUS, SHE’S PROBABLY GOING TO CURVE IT BY TEN POINTS OR SOMETHING ALMOST UNFATHOMABLE IN ITS RIDICULOUSNESS SO THAT HER CLASS OF FAILING STUDENTS DOESN’T GATHER EVEN MORE ATTENTION. SO THAT’S, WHAT? A 94?

CG: BUT IT STILL FEELS LIKE I FAILED.

CG: I THOUGHT I COULD DO SO MUCH BETTER, BUT APPARENTLY I CAN’T EVEN DO THAT.

TG: hey hey slow your roll bro

TG: the grade you got on one test isn’t equivalent to your worth as a person

TG: that’d be fucking ridiculous

TG: as much as it seems like it sometimes, the world is not actually one big dystopia where your grades in school define who you are forever

CG: YOU’RE RIGHT.

CG: THANKS.

TG: no problem

TG: that said, i’m totally going to frame that picture of you seeing my superior grade

TG: and then carry a mini printout of it in my wallet so i can pull it out and say

TG: see this? this is when i fucked karkat vantas up so bad that instead of losing his chill he actually gained it

TG: didn’t even have to touch em

CG: ANY FEELINGS OF GRATITUDE I HAD FOR YOU ARE NOT ONLY GONE, BUT I’M RESCINDING MY EARLIER THANK YOU. FUCK ME FOR EVER THINKING THAT YOU DESERVED ONE.

CG: IT’S ON, STRIDER.

TG: yup

TG: you should probably start looking for your notebook before class starts tomorrow

CG: YOU DIDN’T.

TG: sure

TG: *i* didn’t

CG: FUCK YOU!

TG: fuck you too buddy

 

\- - -

 

TG: are you going to that ap bio study group party tomorrow

CG: ONE, IT’S NOT A PARTY. IT’S A SERIOUS GATHERING OF STUDENT SCHOLARS WHO ARE DITCHING MRS. BOSCOE’S TEACHING AND PREPPING FOR THE AP BIO EXAM OURSELVES.

CG: TWO, YES.

TG: oh dude haven’t you been talking to jade

TG: or roxy or jane or basically anyone in our obscenely large friend group

CG: I’M ALREADY HATING THE WAY THIS IS GOING.

TG: it started out as a study group but everyone is bringing alcohol if they can

TG: plus it’s happening at rose’s house and she already asked me to dj

TG: dj’s strider’s first appearance since our fucking mega birthday bash in december because of that awesome cosmic twist where we all have birthdays right after each other

CG: I REMEMBER. I WAS THERE.

TG: wait really

CG: KANAYA DRAGGED ME OUT OF MY VERY IMPORTANT STUDYING TO BE HER PLUS ONE. I SPENT MOST OF THE TIME LISTENING TO THE MUSIC AND DRINKING SODA IN THE CORNER, SO THAT’S PROBABLY WHY YOU DIDN’T SEE ME.

TG: listening to my music

CG: YEAH, I GUESS.

TG: did

TG: did you like it

CG: IF I SAY YES, EXACTLY HOW MUCH MORE OBNOXIOUS WILL YOU BECOME ABOUT IT?

TG: it’s too late now you practically already said it

TG: you might as well say “if i go to this study group, exactly how much more will i get my shit rocked”

TG: and the answer is: more than a retired granny trying to sew in her rocking chair on a sunny afternoon

CG: *SIGH*

TG: you’re still coming right

CG: ONLY IF THERE’S A CHANCE I CAN GET EVEN A LITTLE BIT OF PREP IN BEFORE THE WHOLE THING DEGENERATES INTO DRUNK TEENAGERS.

CG: I REALLY HAVE TO GET A 5 ON THIS TEST IF I WANT TO GET INTO MIT.

TG: for bioengineering right

CG: YEAH. NOT TO SOUND DRAMATIC, BUT AP BIOLOGY IS THE ONLY THING STANDING IN THE WAY OF HUMANITY’S DISCOVERY OF THE CURE TO CANCER.

TG: that is literally the most dramatic thing i’ve ever heard

TG: how about this

TG: i’ll turn the music real low until you feel that your future self has finished whispering the solution to el cancer in your ear

TG: then it’s time to get turnt

TG: and this time, you’re getting on the dance floor or my name isn’t dj strider: master of beats, wizard of wordplay

CG: FINE.

TG: awesome

 

\- - -

 

CG: HEY, HAVE YOU SEEN DAVE SINCE THE PARTY?

GC: OH? 1 THOUGHT YOU W3R3NT C4LL1NG 1T 4 P4RTY?

GC: K4RK4T V4NT4S 1S 4BOV3 SUCH FR1VOLOUS FUN

CG: SHUT UP, WE ALL KNOW WHAT IT WAS. THE ONLY REASON WHY IT WASN’T CALLED A PARTY TO BEGIN WITH WAS TO MAKE PEOPLE FEEL SLIGHTLY BETTER ABOUT HOW HOPELESS THIS TEST IS GOING TO BE.

GC: D4MN R1GHT

GC: 1 H4V3NT S33N H1M THOUGH

CG: THANKS ANYWAYS.

 

CG: HELLO, KANAYA.

GA: Hello Karkat

GA: How Have You Been

CG: I’VE BEEN LOOKING FOR STRIDER, BUT NO ONE SEEMS TO KNOW WHERE HE WENT AFTER THE PARTY. I KNOW HE TOOK AN UBER, BUT THAT SEEMS TO BE MORE THAN HALF OUR FRIENDS COULD PIECE TOGETHER.

GA: Hmmm

GA: I Am Afraid I Have To Say I Was Also Preoccupied When Dave Left The House So I Dont Know Where He Went

GA: But Speaking Of Strider

CG: DO WE HAVE TO?

GA: The Two Of You Seemed To Be Getting Along At The Party

GA: Your Words Were Quite Rough But Dare I Say Your Conversation Seemed Loaded With...Tension Of The Sexual Kind

GA: And Then You Disappeared Into That Side Room

GA: I Guess The Question Is Are The Two Of You Still Fighting Over AP Bio

CG: YES!

CG: ALSO YOU MUST BE CONFUSED SINCE THERE WAS NO ABSOLUTELY “TENSION OF THE SEXUAL KIND” BETWEEN THE TWO OF US. THAT WAS RAW, FLOWING HATRED OF THE COMPETITIVE KIND.

CG: I ONLY PULLED HIM INTO THAT SIDE ROOM BECAUSE IT WAS GETTING KIND OF LOUD AND I WANTED TO MAKE SURE HE COULD HEAR EVERY SINGLE INSULT I HAD TO LOB AT HIM AT FULL POTENCY AND IN ITS ENTIRETY, WHICH ONLY EXPLAINS WHY HE LEFT RIGHT AFTERWARDS. EMBARRASSMENT. THERE’S SO MUCH NOTHING GOING ON HERE THAT IT DISPROVES THE LAW OF CONSERVATION OF ENERGY.

GA: Alright

GA: Hey I Think I See Strider Walking Into The History Wing of Building B

CG: WAIT, REALLY?

GA: No But Tell Me Something

GA: Are You Out Of Your Seat Right Now

CG: I RETAIN THE RIGHT TO WITHHOLD THAT INFORMATION.

GA: Did You Smile When You Heard That I Saw Him

CG: GOODBYE KANAYA.

  
  


TA: ii heard you were lookiing for 2triider.

CG: NORMALLY, I WOULD BE FUCKING PISSED, BUT I ACTUALLY DON’T HAVE THE TIME TO FOR MY SHIT TO FLIP IN A WONDERFUL SOMERSAULT OFF THE HANDLE.

CG: DO YOU KNOW WHERE HE IS? OR TALKED TO HIM?

TA: nope.

CG: FUCK YOU.

TA: of all people, why are your pantiie2 iin the biigge2t twii2t?

TA: thought you hated the guy.

CG: HE MAY OR MAY NOT BE COMPLETELY INTOLERABLE.

TA: lol only you would get a crush on the same guy who you're competing against

CG: HERE’S ANOTHER ONE, SINCE THE FIRST ONE CLEARLY DIDN’T COMPLETELY SINK IN: FUCK. YOU.

TA: lii2ten

TA: ii can at lea2t tell you that he ha2n't been onliine 2iince the niight of the party

CG: I GUESS THAT’S SOMETHING.

TA: al2o that the la2t per2on he talked two wa2 you

CG: AAAAND NOW WE’RE DONE HERE.

  
  


CG: HELLO ROSE.

TT: Hello Karkat. What brings me the pleasure of having you message me?

CG: DO YOU KNOW WHERE DAVE IS? HE HASN’T BEEN IN CLASS FOR A WEEK NOW. IT’S REALLY WEIRD FOR HIM. WE EVEN HAD ANOTHER QUIZ AND HE WAS NOWHERE TO BE FOUND. I MANAGED TO CONVINCE MRS. BOSCOE THAT HE WAS OUT SICK AND SHE HAD TO GIVE HIM A RETAKE, BUT I DON’T KNOW HOW LONG THAT’LL LAST.

TT: You seem awfully worried about his whereabouts. One would think that the two of you weren’t regularly comparing grades in a classic form of school rivalry.

CG: WAIT, I NEVER TOLD YOU ABOUT THAT. HOW DO YOU KNOW?

TT: Aside from you confirming it right now, Dave is my brother. He’s never cared that much about living creatures versus their remains and now he’s asking me to explain topics and grade his pretests. It only took a little bit of snooping to figure out with whom he was feuding.

TT: After all, you did find your notebook in my backpack once.

CG: THAT’S JUST GREAT.

CG: I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHY I’M SURPRISED. I’M PRETTY SURE OUR WHOLE FRIEND GROUP KNOWS WE’VE BEEN GOING AT IT LIKE A PAIR OF CHILDREN WITH POLES THAT HAVE FOAM SPHERES AT THE END.

TT: That’s not too far from the truth. John still thinks this is all over that bucket you dropped on Dave once.

CG: UGH.

TT: Isn’t this a plus for you? With his disappearance, you can get the upper hand and easily bypass him in this race for the highest grade.

CG: THAT WOULDN’T BE RIGHT. IT’S NOT A REAL COMPETITION IF THE OTHER PERSON ISN’T EVEN THERE TO DEFEND THEMSELVES. BESIDES, I WOULDN’T DO THAT TO DAVE.

TT: Interesting.

CG: SO YOU DON’T KNOW WHERE HE IS.

TT: Well, I don’t know where he is.

TT: But I do know where he might be.

CG: OH THANK GOD.

CG: UM

CG: I MEAN, GREAT. IS HE SOMEWHERE SAFE?

TT: No. But he should be back to school by next Monday. Derrick doesn’t usually keep him out of school for much longer than that.

CG: KEEP HIM OUT OF SCHOOL? WHAT?

TT: If you ask me, his parental guardian probably didn’t approve of him staying out until 2 AM and coming back smelling like alcohol and teenage mistakes.

TT: The hickey on his neck likely didn’t help matters.

TT: You wouldn’t know anything about that, would you?

CG: RIGHT! WELL. THANK YOU?

CG: FOR THAT INFORMATION. I WILL GO AND TELL MRS. BOSCOE THAT HE’LL BE BACK ON MONDAY.

TT: You do that, Karkat.

 

\- - -

 

TG: bro why is everyone at the lunch table saying you have a big hairy crush on me

CG: UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

 

\- - -

 

CG: SO???

TG: i got a 5 on the ap test

TG: hip hip hooray i never have to learn about photosynthesis 1 and 2 again

CG: I GOT A 5 TOO BUT YOU KNOW THAT’S NOT WHAT I’M ASKING.

CG: WHAT’S YOUR FINAL GRADE?

TG: good news

TG: sweet bro and hella jeff were finally approved of like i always knew they would

TG: got a sick B+ in the class

CG: DAVE.

TG: oh and congrats on getting a 5 on ap bio

TG: on to harder classes and worse professors very exciting things i’m sure

CG: DAVE.

TG: im very proud of you my lil boy off to college and bigger and better things like curing cancer and stopping the aids epidemic but most importantly finding the cure to a broken heart

TG: no we love you mr. vantas

CG: FINE, KEEP RAMBLING. BUT LET ME SAY THIS FIRST.

CG: IF YOU DON’T WANT TO TALK TO ME ANYMORE OR HAVE ANY MORE CONTACT AFTER THIS, THAT’S FINE. WE CAN JUST HANG OUT IN THE GROUP AS ACQUAINTANCES WHO ONCE TRIED TO ACADEMICALLY TEAR EACH OTHER APART AND LEAVE IT AS THAT. BUT IF YOU ALSO WANT TO KEEP TALKING, WELL, I’M UP FOR THAT TOO.

CG: I KNOW WE MET WITH ONE OF THE SHITTIEST POSSIBLE INTRODUCTIONS THAT COULD EVER BE MANUFACTURED WITH HUMAN HANDS. BUT SOMEWHERE ALONG THE LINE I REALIZED I DIDN’T TOTALLY HATE YOU.

TG: totally

CG: OKAY, I DON’T HATE YOU AT ALL! YOU’VE GOT SOME LIKEABLE QUALITIES BURIED UNDER THE SHITTY FACADE ONE SEES WHEN THEY FIRST APPROACH YOU.

CG: AND A LITTLE BIT OF A NICE FACE.

TG: a little bit

CG: OKAY, A LOT OF A NICE FACE! YOU’RE KINDA HOT.

CG: OH MY GOD I CAN’T BELIEVE I JUST TYPED THAT. CAN WE BOTH AGREE TO PRETEND THAT I DIDN’T SEND THAT. HOLY SHIT.

TG: oh no way it’s saved now

CG: THIS GLASS SCREEN IS THE ONLY THING KEEPING ME FROM REACHING IN AND THROTTLING YOU.

TG: now karkat, that’s no way to treat your kinda hot senpai with a nice face

CG: I’VE DONE IT. I’VE FINALLY DOOMED MYSELF IN A CONVERSATION BY MY OWN HANDS. ALL I WANTED TO KNOW WAS WHETHER OR NOT I’D WON THIS FUCKING COMPETITION AND NOW I’M AT THE EVERLOVING MERCY OF DAVE STRIDER.

TG: don’t worry i’ll be gentle

TG: and ps i think you’re kinda hot too

CG: WELL. THAT’S...GREAT. THAT’S REALLY GREAT.

CG: I’M GUESSING THAT’S A BIG FAT BLINKING YES FOR KEEP TALKING.

TG: hell yes

CG: ALRIGHT, BUT YOU REALLY HAVE TO TELL ME YOUR GRADE, OR I’M NOT GOING TO BE ABLE TO SLEEP TONIGHT.

TG: wow the big finale and you want to know the results before i do

TG: ice fucking cold vantass

CG: UGH, AS ASININE AS YOU MADE IT SOUND, YOU’RE RIGHT. HOW DO YOU SUGGEST WE DO IT?

TG: we both post it at the same time

TG: like 3 2 1 grades

CG: OKAY, LET’S DO IT.

TG: 3

TG: 2

TG: 1

CG: 95

TG: 95

TG: hahaha this is the best thing ever

CG: YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.

TG: wait i still want my picture bro

CG: ARE YOU SERIOUSLY MATHEMATICALLY CHALLENGED? 95 AND 95 ARE THE SAME EXACT DAMN NUMBER. EQUIVALENT. IT’S A TIE, WHICH MEANS NEITHER OF US WON OR LOST.

TG: or it means we both half won and half lost

TG: cmon i wanna see your face

CG:...OKAY. DON’T JUDGE IT TOO MUCH, I’VE BEEN WRITING COLLEGE APPLICATION ESSAYS ALL DAY.

[carcinoGeneticist sent a picture to the chat. (862 KB)]

TG: aw yes

TG: you look amazing

CG: DAVE, THOSE DARK CIRCLES UNDER MY EYES AREN’T THE HOTTEST BEAUTY TREND. THOSE ARE BAGS. AND LOOK AT MY HAIR! IT’S ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE BECAUSE I’VE BEEN TOO BUSY GETTING READY FOR SCHOLARSHIP SEASON TO EVEN THINK ABOUT RUNNING A COMB THROUGH IT. SEE THAT THERE? THAT’S A BEDHEAD TO RIVAL GAMZEE’S. PLUS I’M LITERALLY WEARING A WRINKLED OLD T-SHIRT. THAT’S THE KIND OF STUFF YOU’RE INTO, DAVE?

TG: nah

TG: i’d say you’re the kind of stuff i’m into

CG: OH.

CG: THAT’S

CG: FUCK.

TG: oh my god did i actually make you go speechless

CG: I THINK THAT’S ENOUGH FROM YOU, MR. I’M UNBELIEVABLY SMOOTH AND AREN’T EVEN REMOTELY HUMBLE ABOUT IT.

TG: yup that’s me

TG: and you’re mr. unbelievably attractive and not even humble about it

TG: i mean really shame on you think about the children

CG: THERE’S NO WAY I’M GOING TO BE ABLE TO CONCENTRATE ON MY ESSAYS NOW, IS THERE?

TG: nope

**Author's Note:**

> based on a true story
> 
> i had a story here explaining why this collection is called the week with more than seven days, but i actually need help so whoops that's being swept to the side  
> does anyone know what's wrong with my pesterlog? i've tried using span class and p class but whatever's in the quotes turns in nothing once i hit publish. i tried going from html to rich text and back again to see if i can figure anything out and the quotes turn into "‘karkat’" (ex.)
> 
> please help


End file.
